Feelings & Togetherness
Am I allowed to say no?
Today Flauschi would rather have a wave than a hug.
The short answer
Yes. You may refuse unwanted closeness and touch, including from people you know. Seek support if your no is ignored. Someone crossing your boundary is not your fault, even if you could not clearly say no.
An imagined Wusel scene
Puschel and Flauschi investigate
Puschel is happy to see Flauschi. Puschel“Would you like a hug?”
Flauschi raises a friendly paw. Flauschi“Not today. A greeting from a distance would be lovely.”
Puschel stays where he is and waves. Puschel“Then my greeting can travel through the air!”
Flauschi“Thank you for asking and hearing my no.” Puschel“Your no does not need a long explanation.”
They walk side by side without touching. They enjoy being together with some space too. Later Flauschi may change her mind, or keep her no.
Try explaining it
This question is about a fictional situation and considerate actions, not about which feelings you should have.
Flauschi does not want a hug. What respects her boundary?
Choose a), b) or c), then explain your choice.
- a)Stop only after a long explanation.
- b)Do not hug her and accept her no.
- c)Hug her anyway because you know her.
Show the explanation
Correct: b): Do not hug her and accept her no.
Yes. You may refuse unwanted closeness and touch, including from people you know. Seek support if your no is ignored. Someone crossing your boundary is not your fault, even if you could not clearly say no.
Questions to think about
What greeting might work without touching?
Show conversation idea
For example a wave, smile or greeting word. Both people can choose for themselves.
What can a character do if someone ignores their boundary?
Show conversation idea
If possible, find space and safety and tell a safe adult. Even if the character could not say no, it is not their fault.
Explore in more detail
Here you will find longer explanations and further details. You can explore them together.
Understand step by step
What does this mean in everyday life?
Examples are possible situations. You need not feel a particular emotion or share a personal story.
Your body has boundaries
A hug is welcome only if you want it. You may want space even from someone you like.
Permission stays voluntary
Say or show no, and change an earlier yes. Freezing or silence is not reliable permission.
Responsibility is not the child’s
A violated boundary is not your fault. Tell a safe adult and seek another if needed. No perfect explanation is required.
The key points again
Discovery 1
You may refuse a hug, kiss or other unwanted closeness, including from people you know.
Discovery 2
If someone violates a boundary, it is not your fault, even if you could not say no.
Source: [1]
Discovery 3
Tell an adult you feel safe with. If that person does not listen, you can ask another adult for help.
Source: [1]